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Crime

The Bank Dicks ~ Move Your Money!

3:57 PM PST on January 21, 2010

Despite rumors to the contrary, it is no great secret that this country’s economy is still hanging low around our ankles, while the great, greasy bankers who face-fucked us into this mess have gleefully returned to sipping hundred-dollar single malts while lovingly smacking their secretaries’ asses with appalling impunity. Feeling a little pissed off? Well you should be, and while your personal ability to enact meaningful financial reform or to frog-march these crooks straight into the Sodomite Wing of the nearest federal penitentiary may be nil, you can vote with your feet. The lovely Ariana Huffington and a few of her cocktail buddies from the Huffington Post have started a Move Your Money movement, urging concerned citizens of all stripes to pull their money out of these usurious, faceless and ultimately destructive mega-institutions and open accounts in smaller, friendlier and decidedly less evil community banks. The website has a zip-code calculator that lists secure, FDIC-insured operations in your area as well as a fun little It’s a Wonderful Life mash-up video that puts a Mr. Potter face on the devils of Wall Street while reminding us that George Baileys do still exist. So what do you say, Taqueños? We don’t chow our carnitas at Taco Bell, why would we bank with its moral equivalents?