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Festival of Chariots ~ Venice Beach

10:22 PM PDT on July 30, 2006

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Look, we know. Hare Krishnas kinda skeev you out. We've been there. Some top-knotted white guy, who you can totally tell was way into crystal meth just last year, gives you a 'free book' full of colorful mythology, than asks you to pay for it five minutes later. And some places find them as deep and persistent as time-share salesmen.

We're happy to find out all previous experience with this cult, ahem, sect has left us with the wrong impression. After 2 conversion-free lunches at Govinda's and our second Festival of the Chariots at Venice Beach, we've become quite envious of the Hare Kirshna lifestyle. Let's briefly examine why they rule so hard.

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First of all, we already know these people like to party. Hard. When was the last-time your cool-dude friends decided to hold an impromptu dance-party in the middle of the street, breaking it down in public like it was Sabado Gigante? When was that again? Oh...never? Interesting!

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Secondly, have you ever gotten a gander at the chicks these guys hang out with? They're totally hot, with a kind of hippie vibe that makes you wonder if they are into free love as well. There's a bunch of gorgeous Indian girls included in this mix, too. Even better, all their white hoes dress in saris, bangles and nose piercings, maybe in apology for being born in such shamefully white and disgusting Earth-bound incarnations. Keep trying girls, you'll have more melanin in the next life if you do good.

Third, did we mention Hare Krishnas totally know how to party? The Festival of the Chariots had enough free vegetarian food for 20,000 people, very appreciated by the hundreds of homeless in the area.

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When have the Christians ever done anything so...well, Christian? It goes a lot further than your scoldings about hellfire, guys. We just want some fucking free food every now and again, is that too much to ask?

The Hare Krishna Co. also had dancing, music, lectures, and cool displays that had men dying and being born again before our very eyes. Whoa! Best of all, no one approached us with any "free" books or attempts to talk about our damned souls. I think they were too busy macking on sari-clad desis to be bothered. In any case, these guys seriously rule and we recommend you join them now, since we'll probably all be persuaded to sooner or later.

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You with the books...
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